R.I.P. COBOL

Global Head of Marketing Campaigns Melissa Burns originally wrote this April Fool post on LinkedIN in 2015. A year and 17,460 views later we thought it was worth sharing again…..enjoy.

You’ve probably heard the news? COBOL is dead. It cripples the mind, and it’s finished.

Of course, a world without COBOL means an end to 70% of all business transactions.

You’re probably finding it pretty hard to get cash from your local ATM, and that’s because 95% of ATM transactions use COBOL. You’d better find a new currency.

And shopping? Well, you’ll have noticed that’s pretty hard too. Because before it’s death, COBOL used to power 80% of all point-of-sale transactions.

That mobile outage you’re experiencing is not just because of the calls everyone is trying to make in this seemingly apocalyptic situation – it’s because, before COBOL died, it connected 500 million mobile users every day.

Healthcare is struggling too – COBOL applications managed the care of 60 million patientsdaily.

And without COBOL enabling 96,000 vacations to be booked every day, you can forget about that holiday.

No more COBOL transactions, 250 billion lines of code down the drain. 65% of all application code kaputt. Finished. Dead.

Luckily this was just an incredibly popular April Fool from 2015. But can you imagine?!

Learn More: What is COBOL?

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